


flames

by lilys_bananas_coven



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 104th Training Corps - Freeform, 104th Training Corps Shenanigans, Annie-Centric, Crying, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Flashbacks, How Do I Tag, Intimacy, Kissing, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Military Training, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Not A Fix-It, POV Annie Leonhart, Roommates, uhhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29548251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilys_bananas_coven/pseuds/lilys_bananas_coven
Summary: Annie recalls her time as a cadet to see if she's ever had a friend.
Relationships: Hitch Dreyse & Annie Leonhart, Mikasa Ackerman & Annie Leonhart, Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart
Comments: 10
Kudos: 97





	flames

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lubov](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lubov/gifts).



> Hii! So I have the biggest crush on Annie these days it's getting out of hand. 
> 
> P. S. Lubov this is dedicated to you for your very kind and inspiring comment! I hope this finds you well :)

What a peculiar feeling to have nightmares that become a part of one's routine, Annie thinks, running her hands through her hair. Her guess is that when one gets enough blood on their hands, it's a mere side effect to be constantly tormented by it until she gets to be the one who dies. The water is lukewarm; Hitch seems to have used up most of the heat. The last suds slide off her wet skin and onto the tiled floor, noting an end to her shower.

Annie briefly wonders what other people see when faced with their reflections. She sees a stranger staring back at her, one who looks just like her. The stranger's hair falls that way around her shoulders, just like Annie's. It's the same shade of blonde. Her nose is sharp and so is her jaw. They're even the same height. 

Annie feels unnerved by the glare the girl in her reflection gives her- no, she feels nothing.

She feels nothing. She shouldn't waste her time thinking about strangers. As per Hitch's request, she dresses in her own clothes. It doesn't make much of a difference, since she still wears her hoodie with her uniform every other day. Only this time, she tugs on regular shoes as opposed to their standard boots. Hitch doesn't get to her about wearing 'nice clothes', and she likely never will. 

But hell, Hitch is a living, breathing headache. Annie wonders how she does it; how she lives being so wonderfully ignorant and unaware of things that really matter- how she lives without purpose. It's not like she can blame the girl, too, because Hitch is happy. Ignorance really is bliss, cliché as the saying goes. She did the bare minimum as a cadet and carved a comfortable life out for herself becoming part of the military police. She gets dolled up for dates with anyone she finds cute enough on her off days, has a good time, and then she's back the next morning. Annie isn't any better. She doesn't exactly do the dates and one night stands, but she's sitting here in the inner wall just the same. 

Except she's nothing like Hitch or the others. 

She's not even anything like Reiner or Bertholdt. 

Often have others told her the tall, quiet one in their trio has feelings for her. She's never seen it or cared to try. With the way Bertholdt follows Reiner around like a lost puppy, he's always appeared to like the blonde man more. All throughout their years of training to become warrior candidates, she had never once paid them any more attention than was absolutely necessary. Nothing's changed now that she is a warrior. 

Annie figures Hitch's way of showing affection happens through caring to invite her to places and insulting her weakly enough for them to both know she doesn't mean it. To her dismay, Annie thinks she could actually consider the girl an acquaintance. After all, they're roommates. It beats not being able to stand her.  
She orders a limeade at the bar they now occupy, rethinking her decision of saying yes to Hitch's invite. The girl is likely going to get shitfaced and rely on the blonde to get them home, or get tipsy enough to make moves on and go home with a stranger for the night. One way or another, her company will fizzle out into nothing. Not that Annie cares too much for it. She knows she's here not because Hitch had genuinely wanted to spend time with her. They have a strange relationship. 

"Say, Annie," Hitch calls, followed by a small sip of her cocktail, "do you really not have any friends?" 

While Annie looks entirely uninterested, the bored but bright blues of her irises locked onto Hitch's face, she takes a moment to actually consider the question. Hitch may not particularly like her but she's blatantly curious about her life at times. Annie supposes it's the work of her cocktail that's loosened her tongue enough to ask such a question. There isn't any harm in entertaining her for a while.

Reiner. Bertholdt. Those two names immediately come to mind. 

No. They're not friends. Annie can't lie to herself about them- and it almost makes something in her chest tighten, because they've been friends to her. They really have been friends to her, right from the very start, but she just can't seem to call them friends despite it. 

"I have acquaintances," she mutters, tracing her fingertips along the condensation on her bottle. 

She can feel Hitch's stare on the side of her face when the girl continues, "What about the cadets you trained with that became scouts?" 

The 104th Training Corps. If Annie recalls, she had seen Hitch around once or twice at the time of being a cadet, but they only spoke their first words to each other upon becoming roommates in the Military Police. Her mind races with memories of that time that, for whatever reason, felt easier than sitting here in a bar and relaxing. She tries to remember everyone she had ever interacted with. 

Jean and Connie were idiots. They likely still are, but they meant well for the most part. She had killed a titan to save Jean's ass once. She remembers that. Her few memories of them seem clouded by their stupidity, but what can she say? They're out there now risking their lives while she enjoys the chilled atmosphere of a somewhat high end bar. In fact, maybe it is their stupidity that's gotten them so far. Jean's hot temper had always annoyed Annie, too, and perhaps he's not the same cowardly wimp he used to be now, but that doesn't erase her impression. Connie had been less of an ass to people but just as loud. They had been a team for a while, along with Mina. Regardless, Annie doesn't consider them friends and never did. Acquaintances. 

Potato girl, to credit accordingly, had been a small source of amusement on their first day. Since then, Annie can't say she ever spoke to her much, but she had passed her lunches and dinners to the bottomless pit of a girl on many occasions where she hadn't felt hungry enough to brave the bland soup and stale bread. Unfortunately for Sasha, she usually ate her own steamed potato on nights they were served. The first time Annie tried a donut, she'd be lying if she didn't admit that the most miniscule part of her remembered the glutton, for whatever reason. It must've been because she had never known someone so besotted with food and probably wouldn't meet another like Sasha. Still, she can't say they ever had even one real conversation. Acquaintance. 

Krista Lenz had been sweet- almost too sweet. Annie could never understand how a person in her position; that was, a cadet training to risk her life in the near future, could be as sweet as her. Annie vividly remembers the blinding smiles she gave everyone as well as her tall companion. Ymir had been a jackass to anyone but Krista. Annie could respect it, she supposes. But looking back, she never really spoke to them. Not that the fact is surprising at all. Acquaintances. 

Sparring with Eren is of Annie's most vivid memories as a cadet. Something had been utterly satisfying about pummeling him into the ground in the name of combat training. The next time it hadn't been combat training. Of all the cadets, Annie had the least tolerance for him. Eren Jaeger. Not an acquaintance. 

Not even close. 

Strangely enough, Annie finds that she had been able to sympathize the most with Armin. The boy's smarts had been the only thing put to his name at the time, but he's grown since then. His bravery could likely match Eren's if it isn't already more remarkable. After all, it's been everyone running in after the impulsive titan shifter to clean up his messes, and to think Armin has been by his side since they were kids is a headache in the making. Armin had always been compassionate. Annie won't ever forget the way he had looked into her eyes, even with her human feelings all muddled up in her titan form. It was then that Annie had seen it; his distinct will to find peace, to piece together a puzzle they're nowhere near done finding all the parts of. She could respect that. She still does. She doesn't know what to name their relationship, and she's sure he's catching on if he hasn't already. It's only a matter of time. 

That leaves none other than Mikasa Ackerman in the list of people Annie remembers having spent some amount of time with. Mikasa would be the most unforgettable of the 104th Training Corps, and not even because she had ranked first for their whole batch to see. If Annie sympathises most with Armin, then she sees herself most in Mikasa. The realisation is a hard one to have, thinking about it after all this time. Fuck Hitch for giving her a reason to remember things- for giving her a reason to feel more human. 

As much as she wants to say otherwise, Annie somewhat understands how Mikasa and Armin had been able to stick to Eren for so long, and how they probably still do. They had jumped in right after him like cops on a thief's tail to join the Survey Corps. Their bond is the kind that lasts until death. For someone who has barely bonded with anyone past the line of formalities, Annie finds herself understanding that much about those three. It's... Nice, perhaps. But she wouldn’t ever have that. 

Mikasa is not entirely unlike Annie in certain ways. Her impeccable skills are, to Annie, the least of what had left an impact on her. Annie will never forget the first time she looked into Mikasa's eyes and saw something other than her own dead reflection.

_It was strange how these people could act so drunk without any real alcohol. Having reluctantly stayed for Reiner and Bertholdt in the mess hall when a huge group of cadets wanted to play some stupid game about confessing truths to each other, Annie was starting to regret it. She had thought for a moment that maybe she could entertain their request to spend some time with her, but she quickly changed her mind. Her displeased glare halted whatever Reiner was about to say to try and get her to stay any longer, so she got up to leave. She was certain this dumb game was a result of Jean and Eren trying to compete with each other yet again. They were all pathetic. She never once took the time out of her day to play around like any of them did, but perhaps she couldn't blame them for wanting to make some happy memories before going out there to offer themselves. Watching Reiner and Bertholdt play buddies with the rest was what really made her sick._

_Annie wasn't too surprised to see Mikasa in the barracks upon entering. The girl was the only one there, perched like an owl on the mattress of her lower bunk. It wasn't often that the girl wasn't seen stuck by Eren's side. Perhaps she too couldn't stand the idiocy of teenage boys when grouped together. Annie nodded silently as a way of greeting before shuffling to her side of the slightly cramped room to change. Even with her back to her, Annie wasn't oblivious to Mikasa's burning stare that never once wavered while she shed her uniform in favour of some loose pajamas. She didn't particularly care for whoever saw her body without much on. The only ones who did were the girls in the barracks who sometimes openly admired her toned physique with respect unlike the wandering eyes of men. But something told her Mikasa wasn't quite admiring her._

_Despite not having any outward reaction, Annie stopped breathing for a moment at the sight of tears in Mikasa's eyes. She was sure she would never see the girl so weak- sure Mikasa would never let that happen. At least not in the presence of anyone else. She fixed her stilled posture with a full breath of air before making her way to her bed, the lower bunk just across from Mikasa's. Even in the dim lighting, her watery eyes caught enough light to make them shimmer. The blonde was at a loss. Would Mikasa rather her pretend she didn't notice and head on to sleep? That couldn't be- because the raven haired girl had yet to tear her eyes from Annie, even with her vision likely blurred with tears. Even if Mikasa was searching for some kind of comfort, Annie felt like the last person for the job. She wasn't even sure she cared enough to help, but it was hard to turn a blind eye especially when it was just the two of them here. She cautiously sat on her bed, facing Mikasa's hunched over form. The girl was entirely silent, but her trembling shoulders suggested sobs that she was somehow able to hold back. She had looked away from Annie by now, hiding her face in that red scarf she always wore._

_"Mikasa?" Annie called softly, not sure where to go from there._

_"Annie," the blonde heard Mikasa respond, muffled by her scarf, "I find…"_

_Her next words were too soft for Annie to catch, even as she leaned forward ever so slightly and strained to hear her. She sighed to herself. She had gotten herself into this from the moment she decided she wouldn't ignore Mikasa like she would've expected of herself. Standing up, Annie swiftly crossed the single yard between their beds, contemplating her next move. With another inaudible sigh, she knelt beside the girl's mattress, thinking it too personal of her to share it with her. One knee landed on the hardwood with a thud, while she rested her forearm on the other, a position that would make it easy for her to up and leave if she felt like it. From this angle, her sharp eyes caught more of Mikasa's face, and especially so when the raven haired latter turned to look down at her._

_"I didn't hear you earlier," Annie stated, soft in volume but not particularly gentle._

_For a long while, long enough for Annie to expect no response, Mikasa stared at her. The eye contact lasted a minute at the very least. Each time she blinked, more tears would pour out from her eyes and stream down her cheeks, as if looking at Annie was the cause of her agony. The blonde didn't know what to do, counting on Mikasa to make any kind of next move before she regretted trying to be of any help to her._

_"I f-find myself in… more p-pain… than I can handle," Mikasa whispered, clearly choking on her breath to force the words out._

_Annie blinked at the confession, one that seemed far too intimate for her to be hearing. Wasn't Eren supposed to be the one Mikasa cried to? She almost felt like she was invading the girl's privacy by being here, so close that she could count each tear as it fell from Mikasa's eyes. Why was the girl telling her this?_

_"I don't know what to say," Annie muttered, blinking away the small buds of frustration that festered from feeling useless._

_Annie wasn't supposed to be here. She was not supposed to have seen this, or cared, or said a word to Mikasa. She had broken all her personal rules for something she wasn't even built for. Comforting people was not in any part of her, and knowing that she was bad at something just left her unnecessarily frustrated. Why the hell did she care? And of all people, why Mikasa?_

_"I… I never knew that you could- lose a person," Mikasa finally sobbed aloud, "even when they're right n-next to you."_

_With this, Annie understood that Eren wasn't comforting Mikasa right now because he was the cause of this… breakdown. They must've fought, or something along those lines. Annie wasn't really surprised; she often witnessed Eren's erratic temper and his lack of regard for the circumstances or the people watching. In fact, the blonde wondered how Mikasa didn't appear humiliated all those times he shouted at her to stop taking care of him and only continued to do so. Despite it, that didn't seem like the reason for their fight. What Mikasa just confessed was something far more vulnerable, something that hinted at rejection. Annie was not exactly a stranger to the feeling, but struggled with a way to respond. Mikasa's cries were less hidden now, much like a child getting comfortable around a stranger. If Annie was being honest, when she looked at her now, really did see a child._

_Mikasa looked like nothing more than a lost little girl, crying for something no one could give her._

_"The ones closest to you are most capable of hurting you," Annie spoke again, this time allowing herself a hint of sympathy in her tone._

_Little did Annie know, that gentlest brush of warmth that heated her words wrapped itself tightly around Mikasa's trembling body, easing another sob out of her. Mikasa cried harder because she knew Annie was right. She needed no further explanation. One could only feel let down and hurt by someone who meant something to them. Was that her downfall? Would Annie survive this hellish place because she appeared to have not a single weak spot for people, and would Mikasa die for it? But what was the point of living if it was without feeling? Were they even living?_

_"S-so," Mikasa whispered hoarsely, "you won't hurt me."_

_Annie's eyes widened at the unexpected remark. It sounded like an observation, like Mikasa was simply stating a fact to be true. She was saying that Annie could not hurt her, for she meant nothing to her. And in every aspect besides physically, Mikasa was absolutely right. The dark strands of her hair moved slightly with each shuddering breath she took in an attempt to compose herself, but her unending tears said otherwise. She was far from done being a mess, and they both knew it._

_"I guess not," whispered the blonde, still taken aback._

_Annie's eyes never left Mikasa's face, wandering from one stream of tears to another. She was pretty like this, up close and shrouded in the dim glow of a single lamp. It was the first time Annie ever allowed herself to admire someone. Mikasa was beautiful, but that wasn't the feeling tugging uncomfortably at her heartstrings. It was the feeling, unnamed in her mind, of being so close to another broken girl. It was the closeness; the way the air around them felt thick with tension and yet strangely soft and hazy. Annie almost felt breathless as she watched Mikasa fall apart, enamoured by her vulnerability. There was something beautiful about it, something that made Annie want to reach out and touch the hot tears on her skin for reasons she couldn't decipher. It felt strangely unreal to witness something so fragile as a girl with a broken heart, bleeding out all over herself with not enough strength to hide from the danger of Annie's eyes._

_Annie caught Mikasa with a surprised grunt, barely moved by her weight, when the girl seemingly collapsed into her. The blonde's mind was muddled by the sudden and intense proximity she found herself in, as if her thoughts had been read aloud into the universe. Despite being larger in stature than Annie, Mikasa didn't feel much bigger than a child in her arms. Her sobs were powerful, shaking both of them each time she choked one out into the crook of Annie's neck. Her exhales were heavy with heat and exhaustion. The air felt like flames to Annie's skin. Annie carefully held onto Mikasa and stood up, settling them down on the mattress as opposed to the cold floor. She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't have a clue._

_But she held Mikasa and kept silent as every warning flag in her mind went up in flames from the heat of the girl's skin against her own._

_As it turned out, Annie didn't need to speak. As the minutes went by and Mikasa's sobs began to weaken on their own, it became clear that she simply wanted to be held. Her arms remained wrapped around Annie's lithe neck, face hidden under her jaw. The girl's scent brought to her an unnamed feeling of comfort, how ever cold it felt. She smelled of rain; the kind that would grow into an earth-shattering storm and make Mikasa wonder if the world would simply be washed away with it._

_Annie closed her eyes. She wondered if every person held this much warmth within their bodies. Her father didn't feel nearly as warm the one time he hugged her. Mikasa's warmth seemed to be searing into her skin and yet she could do nothing but gracefully embrace the unfamiliar burn of physical intimacy. It was as pleasant as it was painful, but she held back any reaction to it. It was her first time holding someone. She wondered if it was her last, too. The thought had her shifting ever so slightly to hold the girl a little tighter. She breathed evenly, acutely aware of Mikasa gradually calming down as well. Her body committed to memory the way each expanse of her skin felt pressed against the warmth of Mikasa's. The girl had stopped crying a while ago, and yet neither made any move to end the embrace. Annie, far past the point of anything she knew, opted to give up her front if only for this one, fated night. She would simply forget about it tomorrow, and so would Mikasa._

_"I don't…" Mikasa breathed, hesitating, "I feel… safe."_

_Annie stiffened. "You shouldn't. Not with me."_

_"You can't hurt me," Mikasa whispered, strong enough to look Annie in the eyes again._

_They were close enough to breathe each other in, mere inches from each other's faces. Annie stared with a hardened gaze into Mikasa's grey, glazed over eyes._

_"I can hurt you," she mumbled. Her gaze broke to glance down at Mikasa's trembling, parted lips and back up._

_"But you don't mean anything to me," Mikasa returned, voice just barely audible._

_Annie wasn't hurt by the bluntness of the words. They were the truth. She tilted her head to admire Mikasa's face from a different angle, aware of her arms still wrapped loosely around her neck. The blues of her irises appeared a much darker shade in this light. Deep water._

_"That makes me less likely," the blonde mumbled, aware of Mikasa's hips pressed against her palms, "not harmless."_

_"What's stopping you?" Mikasa asked, subconsciously leaning closer._

_"Nothing," Annie whispered, soft against Mikasa's open mouth._

_They kissed in the darkness of the lower bunk, hunched and hidden by the shadows of the night. Annie savoured the taste of Mikasa's salt-stained lips until they were both breathless, licking the remnants of the kiss from her own mouth once they separated. Mikasa, still breathless and in her lap, leaned in again. Annie felt something tighten painfully in her chest, fascinated by Mikasa’s sudden desperation. She brushed her lips across the corner of Mikasa's waiting mouth, a hand coming up to hold her jaw. Mikasa closed her eyes at the silent display of control, allowing her face to be held in place. She was already vulnerable._

_Annie leaned in as close as she could without giving in to the latter's trembling lips when she whispered, "Nothing's stopping me from hurting you, Mikasa."_

_Mikasa understood then. Her skin burned in all the places Annie was touching her, but the pain of it paled in comparison to the frostbite of not touching her anymore. Annie was back in her own bed faster than Mikasa could find her thoughts._

_"Goodnight," the blonde called from over her shoulder._

_Mikasa didn't respond. Annie fell asleep to the aching loss of contact with her. Mikasa passed out once she was numb enough to the emptiness inside her. They never spoke of their night, and simply moved on._

_This was how Annie made Mikasa understand she was dangerous, and how she earned a scar from Mikasa that wouldn't fade in return._

What does that leave Mikasa as? 

When Annie blinks, the condensation has left her bottle of limeade. It's room temperature now. Hitch is no longer beside her. The girl's empty cocktail glass remains, complete with enough to pay for it tucked under the base of its stem. Annie gently drags it out from under the glass without lifting it and sips at her now stale limeade. It's been a long time since she's spaced out so intensely. She supposes it's not an entirely unwelcome change. Beats nightmares, although she vows to try and avoid losing touch with reality in such a public place. She knows that, under the watchful eye of the somewhat trustworthy bartender, her drink is still safe to consume. With a few large gulps it's gone. Annie pays the man in exact change and leaves, not looking back for Hitch. The girl has surely found herself a boy toy to have left her there alone. 

As she walks home, she ponders on an answer to Hitch's initial question. 

Mikasa Ackerman. 

Not an acquaintance. 

Not a friend. 

Just a beautiful, broken girl with flames dancing beneath her skin.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading everyone! stay safe and ily <3 comments and kudos are very much appreciated and I can take a request too :)


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